What are you thinking?

Meditation - It’s not what you think. I smiled after I saw this on my friend and colleague Jim Oakes’ T-shirt yesterday because it captures something so true about mindfulness practice. We often begin meditation assuming we are trying to quiet the mind, only to discover that the real practice is learning how to relate differently to thinking itself.

Photo: Our dog Kiki deep in thought, or perhaps just unusually still

Our minds are busy thought machines. When we first learn to meditate and to notice these thoughts, we are invited not to get involved with them but to return to the awareness of our breath or another physical anchor in the body. We instinctively know and are taught that meditation and mindfulness practice are ways to get out of our heads, away from our thinking minds, and into our bodies. There are good reasons for this. Our thoughts are amazing; they can create wonderful things. I would contend that every human being and man-made creation in this world exists because of a thought. Yet most of us will recognize that not all of our thoughts are useful, and many are damaging to our self-esteem and to how we respond to others. These first lessons of mindfulness are important. By focusing first on the body and holding our awareness on something that is very obviously right here, we establish a kind of grounding or background stillness, and from there we can direct our attention to other, more changing aspects of our immediate experience, like the evolving soundscape or our thoughts. If we can learn to notice their arrival, departure, and nature, our ever-evolving thoughts can just as easily be the object of our meditation.

It’s easier to write that down than to do it. Paying close attention to our thoughts, whether in meditation or in life, can easily stray into long periods of jumping on a thought train before we realize we have done so. Yesterday, I found myself indulging in some unnecessary self-judgement in front of the class I was teaching about this very topic: being mindful of thoughts. The fantastic news was that they spotted the irony and called me out in good humor. I took that as a teaching win.

Spending even a few moments on the question of how thoughts arise can be mind-boggling. The easiest way that I have come to understand this is that they are a response. They are a response to a host of factors across our internal and external environments. They are where our mind meets the world. What lies behind this simple observation is that we are not our thoughts. We can observe them. In the same class, we spent some time on the format of our thoughts. Some of the group spoke about seeing movies playing out in their minds, others talked about voices, and for me, thinking takes the form of a general idea arriving.

However they show up, paying curious, kind attention to our thoughts in meditation as well as in our lives can bear fruit. With some gentle investigation, we can release the grip of our highly imaginative and protective minds and be more tolerant and easy with the world around us. Here are five ways to understand our thoughts and the opportunities that awareness of them brings. These are shared as simple ways to begin to understand ourselves; they are not a framework or diagnostic tool to follow in any particular sequence. On a given day, we may become aware of one or more of these aspects of our mind. Awareness is what actually matters here.

Content

What is the content of the thought?
In other words, what is it about? Merely noticing from some mental distance the content of thought is a significant win. It means you are not lost in it. Along with recognizing that a thought is happening, there is an opportunity here to notice that thoughts themselves are very ephemeral. I have heard it said that a thought is little more than nothing. Yet they can be the beginning of so many things, good and bad; their power often seems disproportionate to their fleeting nature. Knowing that we are thinking, and what we are thinking about, is the first step in deciding how to relate to that thought. We might take it as being worthy of some considered action, or we may decide the thought is not useful. Conversely, the more unconscious our thoughts, the easier it is to be carried by them, which may influence how we experience ourselves and others.

Category

What type of thought is it?
Here we get to the beginnings of our thinking patterns. Is the thought about planning, judging, fixing, rehearsing, fantasizing, or another category entirely? As we pay more attention to the categories of our thoughts, we may notice a few recurring patterns. Am I often judging myself or others? Am I often worrying? Often organizing or managing myself or others? These thoughts are likely grounded in something important and caring and are helpful data. The opportunity here is to learn something about yourself. It might even be possible to soften the “judging, fixing, and controlling” mind that mindfulness teachers often refer to. If you catch yourself walking down the familiar path of one of these mind habits, in that moment, you can ask yourself if it’s really necessary to be spending your hard-earned mental energy on that and see if things feel a little easier by letting that thought pass.

Climate

What is the emotional climate along with this thought?
Do you feel overwhelmed, fearful, thankful, eager, fragile, or annoyed? This is a clue to how you are holding or carrying the thought. Thoughts can cause or be caused by emotions; sometimes thoughts and emotions are mutually reinforcing and become hard to differentiate. Am I anxious because of my thoughts, or the other way round? In that particular case, from my own experience, probably both things are true, and it’s hard to know from which direction to approach the cycle. The opportunity here is for some self-compassion. Neither our thoughts nor our emotional reactions are as personal or unique as they often feel. It can be helpful to consider that many other people experience very similar, reasonable thoughts and emotions in similar circumstances. A kinder response than judging ourselves (after noticing the emotional climate) is to acknowledge the feelings and, if they are challenging, to be kind to yourself. This may take the form of removing yourself from difficult circumstances, doing some self-care, or letting someone else know how you are feeling. I know that this is not always available; some thoughts and emotions are particularly sticky. There are no prizes or punishments here; this is all a matter of practice.

Condition

What is the condition of the mind having this thought?
When we recognize that we are thinking, we can ask ourselves, is my mind contracted, open, curious, restless, scattered, or something else. This matters a lot; a question arising in an open mind can feel very different from the same question arising in a closed one. Take, for example, the thought “I need to get to work”. By itself, it means very little, but if this thought is accompanied by a contracted mind, it might signal some frustration or unaddressed concern. In an open mind, this thought might simply be that it’s time to go, or it could even be that there is some excitement to get something started or finished. The opportunity in exploring the condition of our mind is to deepen the understanding of our mental patterns and to ask ourselves whether we can soften or let go of any tension, if present.

Concern

What is the concern you carry behind this thought?
Our habitual thought patterns can reveal what matters deeply to us. They can indicate things that really matter, like our values and identities at work and as partners, parents, or children. Thoughts that are trying to control experience may be trying to avoid humiliation, loss, or pain. A mind that fantasizes may be reaching for success or pleasant experiences. Simply put, the mind is usually trying to help us survive and protect others; these are deeply human instincts. I recall one occasion where my daughter was a little unwell on a trip to the desert town of Palm Springs. From her symptoms, I knew that it was likely sunstroke or mild heat exhaustion, but I could not stop my mind from telling me that she was in real danger and felt quite anxious being far away from home. Some of the concerns were grounded in reality, while others were my mind rapidly projecting possible futures, but the primary concern behind them all was my concern for her well-being. These thoughts overtook my mind that night, and I have seen on other occasions that they can be disproportionate and exhausting. So our thoughts arrive for good reasons, yet when left entirely unchecked, they can disconnect us from reality and the actual joys and pains of our lived experience. It takes some experience, practice, and patience to notice the deeper desires underneath many of our mind habits. Although some people may benefit significantly from counselling or therapy, mindfulness can be a complementary practice. As we begin to recognize the deeper concerns beneath our thought patterns and gently allow more of the discomfort we usually avoid, we may be able to hold the ups and downs of life with more ease.

Always with care

I deliberately described all of this as a gentle investigation. It requires radical self-compassion and is a practice for life, not a project. The human experience is complicated and confusing. It is simultaneously turbulent, tedious, and joyful, but we can at least say that it is shared. If we are looking for ways to reduce the impact and apparent control of our thinking minds, we can use these practices over time to notice the movement of our minds with curiosity, steadiness, and compassion. If the investigation becomes overly analytical, we are always reminded to come back to ourselves, to remain rooted in the body and the reality of lived experience. When we do just that simple thing, we are not lost in thought; we are here. As the T-shirt said, it’s not what you think.

For readers familiar with Buddhist teaching, this reflection is largely an exploration of the third foundation of mindfulness: mindfulness of mind, in my own words. If you are interested in exploring more practices for presence with me, you might like my upcoming course.